[withee]

I did a horrible thing yesterday and killed a kitten in the road. I was at the outskirts of a small town and noticed a little kitten walking along the highway in front of me. I slowed down and was beside it when I noticed another kitten a little further ahead near the road. I blew my horn to try to scare them further off the road, thinking maybe they belonged to a house nearby. When I got past the second kitten, I glanced in my rear view mirror and was horrified to see one in the road, writhing in pain and jumping all over. I did not feel or hear anything hitting my car or any noise at all and could not believe I hit one. I backed up to the one I hit and picked it up, thinking maybe I could save it. I know I hurt it badly as it was bleeding from the nose and I could hear the other kitten crying out for food. When I got into my car with the hurt one, the other kitten was at my feet so I picked him up also and put him in the car. I remembered a woman who lived nearby who loved cats and sometimes took in strays and drove to her house just a couple minutes away. I could feel the life draining from that poor little kitten and it died just before I got there. My heart still aches for it and I am angry at myself that I didn't just stop and pick them up right away. The woman took the dead kitten from my arms and tried to calm me down. She then showed me the other two kittens that her husband had recently found and they were identical to the ones I found. We do not know if they were just dropped off or if the mother abandoned them or was killed or what happened to her, if she was with them. I shudder to think there may be more out there hungry and cold. The ribs were showing on these poor little things. I drove by today to see if I could see anymore but the grass is high and there is a field.
The reason I am writing this is to try to deal with the guilt I feel and to BEG everyone out there who has a cat to PLEASE get them neutered or spayed. These kittens should have never been out there and if the mother had been spayed or the father neutered, they wouldn't have been out there suffering. There are so many reasons to spay and neuter your cats (no kittens to try to raise or find homes for and healthier happier cats.) The only way to control the cat population is to keep unwanted kittens from being born by spaying and neutering. It is the only kind humane way to do it so cats and kittens aren't put down in shelters every day because there is no room for them and innocent cats and kittens don't suffer outside trying to find food, water, shelter and love. PLEASE DO NOT DUMP YOUR CATS OR KITTENS OUT TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES. It is so cruel to make them suffer and the chances are very slim that they will survive. Do the kind responsible thing and alter your pet. In the meantime I have to figure out a way to deal with the little innocent life I took

[Dr.D]

My heart is breaking for you.

I ran over and killed a young cat about 6 months ago. I cried like a baby all that night and then cried every day as I drove past the spot where I killed the cat. Hitting an animal (especially a cat) has always been one of my greatest fears, and when it happened it was even more horrific than I imagined.

But....as time passed, my pain has lessened. I no longer cry when I get to that place in the road. However, I still hurt like heck when I think about what happened.

My thoughts are with you...I wish I could give you a big hug and a kleenex.

here's a cyberhug instead
((((((((withee)))))))

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Cats Moderator

[KL]

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. Hopefully time will ease the pain you're feeling at this time.

Lisa Doyle
Cat and Feral Cat Moderator
End Euthanasia As The Answer To Feline Overpopulation - Spay or Neuter Your Cat!>^..^<

[SpencerTheLion]

Withee,

I am sorry to hear about this most unfortunate roadkill. You do have a heart. At least one bird has had the misfortune of coming across my car on the freeway. I can relate to animals that died or suffered from my actions.

I don't know if anyone with a heart gets over it 100%, but maybe a good way of coping is to help out a rescue.

[Vettech1215]

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know its hard to remind yourself, but this really isn't your fault. And frankly, you must be a truly caring person--most animal lovers are but you have to forgive yourself. You will make it up to that kitten in every loving gesture towards other animals you encounter.

[SHUEZQ]

I have a guilt related story I don't tell to many, but this forum is a good catharsis of good listeners. Back in 1993 I had my horses on a farm where I had to tend to them myself. The place was being loaned to me (and otherwise empty of pets) because I had to rescue my horses from an uncaring farm. I kept them there until I could find a better home for them. It was a lot of work to do before and after my regular job everyday, and I brought my own dog for safety and a companion. Every afternoon after work he would sniff and roam as I did my duty and then one day I had to take a trip to the feed store. It was tradition that the dog went with me (pets were allowed inside) and his reward was a pig's foot he loved to gnaw on. Well, this time they were sold out so I selected another "natural" bone instead. The dog was not that interested in this one, but I played with it with him until he was enticed.

The next morning I got up and the dog went to the door to go out. It was raining and the dog hated to go out in the rain (go figure for a lab/beagle mix). He stood contemplating in the doorway and I was running late. I pushed him out the door with me in a rush and yelled back inside to my mom to let the dog back in in a few minutes and left. When I came home, I ran inside and called for the dog, but my mom's sullen response was, "He's not here." Apparently, the dog was sick that morning from the bone he ate and I was in too much of a rush to notice. My mom called for the dog and finally went looking for him, only to find him lying in the woods all weak. She picked him up and blood trailed from his anus. She rushed him to the hospital to no avail. Apparently the bone had splintered in his system and he bled internally. They could never stabilize him for surgery, and late that evening the phone call came. I cried all night, and never went to work the next day.

I kept saying the "what ifs" the whole time and I was responsible for killing the family dog--the one we had grown up with as kids! No one blamed me but me, but to this day the pain and tears come at certain times. I still won't forgive myself, and I haven't had a dog since. I love dogs, but none can compare to my beloved childhood "sibling." We had always called him our brother, not our dog. The worst part was not getting to say "goodbye" and the rushed way I treated him the last time I saw him. I am sorry for this sad story, but it has some lessons others can learn easier than me. Don't feed your dog real bones--even store bought. Don't be in a hurry with others, and never ever leave someone when you're mad at them.

NO ONE CONFUSES ME--I DO IT MYSELF!

[Dr.D]

Oh, what a sad story! It brought tears to my eyes and made my heart hurt. I feel so bad for you for carrying this guilt for all of these years. Please try to be kinder to yourself and not blame yourself....you were not trying to hurt your sweet dog, you were just doing what any of us would have done on an average day as we are rushing around in our lives. My heart goes out to you.

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Cats Moderator

[SHUEZQ]

Thank you. It hurts to love, but it hurts more not to love. It will never completely be pain free, but it's best to remember so I can try to be a more attentive person to animals and people alike.

NO ONE CONFUSES ME--I DO IT MYSELF!

[withee]

Hi Everyone,
I am the original poster who hit and killed the kitten and wanted to update everyone. A week or two after this happened, I was talking to the lady that I took the kittens to and she told me that she had 5 dogs, 6 cats and many kittens that she was caring for and trying to keep fed. She was trying to find homes for the kittens as the cats were mostly feral cats in the area. After talking it over with my fiance, he said he didn't want anymore so I decided to try to talk him into it and convinced him that we would take 2 on a trial basis, knowing that he would probably let them stay if he got attached to them. It was touch and go for several days and I almost needed to take them back, as they did not get along with his favorite cat. Eventually we kept them and they are a part of our family now. I couldn't help the one I killed and the one I found with it was given away. We took the third one ( a female) and another kitten that had bonded with it from another litter (also a female). I knew that we would be sure they were spayed to control the cat population. Peaches is blond and Coconut (Coco for short) is tiger striped with orange undertones and they are both doing fine. They only weighed about 2 pounds each after we adopted them and now are between 5 and 6 pounds. They are a hand full and somedays we wonder what we got ourselves in to, but we love them dearly and they know it. It still upsets me when I think of that little kitten but tried to make it up by saving the other one and taking in the third one, plus the extra one from another litter. They are spoiled rotten, like our other 4.
I wanted to thank everyone for your kind comments. It is great to have such great support.

[KL]

Well this is a happy ending to a sad start! Good for you!!!

Lisa Doyle
Cat and Feral Cat Moderator
End Euthanasia As The Answer To Feline Overpopulation - Spay or Neuter Your Cat!>^..^<

[Dr.D]

I'm so glad that there was a good outcome to this tragic story. Bravo to you and your fiance for adopting these kittens!

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Cats Moderator